The Muddy Waters of the “Me Too” Movement
They were dating each other casually. Each one had someone else that they were “faithful” too and were just sleeping with one another on occasion. However, things changed one night when one of them woke up and found the other forcing themselves on the other person. Pushed off quickly before anything else could happen, both parties were stunned.
Did that just happen?
“Please leave!” After being pushed off, the now deflated partner put their clothes on without saying another word, exiting the house.
This sounds like many stories out there in the world of nonconsensual sex.
However, there is a caveat. The woman forced herself on the man in this case. When HE woke up, believing that HE was having a wet dream, he woke up to find his friend on top of him. He was ready to ejaculate knowing she was ovulating so that he could give her the child that she wanted badly. He didn’t consent to sex and he didn’t consent to having a child with a woman that actually wound up as a drug addict.
What would have happened to this young man’s life had he not woke up before he ejaculated? He could have been tied forever to a woman, whom he would later pass on the streets on his way to work prostituting herself on the corner for drugs. What recourse would he have had? What options would have been available to him?
The news with Aziz Ansari was shocking to many in Hollywood after the account from “Grace” was published on www.babe.com. Backlash soon ensured, pitting “Grace” supporters against others who believed that what this young lady experienced was not sexual assault or even misconduct. It was just the actions of a young man who happened to be sexually aroused and was hoping that his “fires” could be extinguished with a little evening after date sex.
I was sexually abused as a teenager by a teacher, unable to give my consent. Months later, I was violently sodomized by a former student that just graduated my school. There were things that happened during those times that I’d forgotten. Awful things that I relived again after hearing many of the stories coming out of this watershed moment in time.
The “Me Too” movement is historic. Our children will be reading about it in history books. However, how will they look back on this time? A time where the power structure has changed dramatically. Now, all it takes is an allegation against a man to change life around. An allegation sorted out through the media is enough to cost a job, send death threats, and revoke any awards or distinctions awarded to a person.
This leaves women in a most powerful position. The lowliest worker on the totem pole may now take down the CEO at the top of the company, who can no longer hide behind non disclosure agreements and secret payouts. Now, they must pay up, pardon themselves, and partake in a permanent absence. That is how the world works…for now.
With women wielding an enormous amount of influence for a change, we must be careful not to abuse this power, as men have for a millennia. Men haven’t learned much over the years but now that women are saying “Time’s up!” on sexual assault, harassment, and misconduct. But as the saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility.” We as women must be able to identify and recognize sexual predatory behavior and not demonize other men who want to do the right thing. Not all men are this way and it’s time that we say that. In this case, it seems that even asking questions about legitimate issues is enough to snatch away your ally badge.
Women have participated in and even encouraged this same behavior that men are often guilty of. When a man says no, he means no. That should go for human beings period. It’s not funny just because the aggressor happens to a be a woman. It happens. Women have forced men to penetrate them and others in some occasions.
From genitals being grabbed to being forced to penetrate other women, men have been on the receiving hand of behavior ranging from boorish to downright threatening.There are stories of men forced to penetrate women at gunpoint. Some men state that they’ve been sexually harassed at work. Those with women as their boss felt that if they didn’t engage in a sexual relationship with a woman, that job prospects would dwindle or even risk being fired. It sounds like an old 80’s sitcom trope, but there are men that go to work every day around the world and face this very threat. The “Me Too” movement is about women and men, however, the men who have faced this very real problem are very rarely taken seriously, unless their perpetrator is another man.
So what does this say about us? What does this say about the movement? What does this say about male and female relationships in general? Should the relationships we have with each other be redefined or evolve into something else altogether? I don’t have the answer for that. What I do know is that we all have the right to say what we want to happen with our bodies. Even in this watershed moment for women, don’t be surprised when the dominoes start to fall for abusers who happen to be women.
